Esther Tam

A Relationship with God: Experiencing His Love

There was no stroke of lightning, no flash of realization and definitely no complete change in my life in a day when I received Christ into my heart. His love appeared to me gradually. There were no boundaries involved. He never gave up on me because I made stupid mistakes, when I was disrespectful to my parents and even when I hated Him for putting me in the worst of situations. He didn’t let go. Forgiveness, grace, and mercy, this is the reason why I was given a second chance. God gave up His son for me.

This is the life of a human being, one who once breathed, spoke, and felt. Imagine someone who was really close to you and had to leave you forever. It could be a brother whom you love dearly for the times he stood by you when you fell. It could be the one who brought you into the world and suffered what seemed like eternal pain and then nurtured you into the young man or woman that you are now. It could even be your boyfriend or girlfriend whom you spend every Friday night with just enjoying each other’s company. Regardless of the pain He must have gone through, God had his only son die on the cross for us. I am not trying to make you all feel guilty or anything but please just think about it. Who do you know in your entire life who would sacrifice his or her life for you. I mean a healthy person who would just die for you; not because he feels sorry for you but because He loves you more than He loves himself. This kind of love is what I would call unconditional. This is an act of selflessness.

I remember the times when I would go to Sunday school every week. Back then, it was just something that I would go to every week…a time when I would just participate in the singing, make crafts and listen to bible stories. Perhaps I was too young to really understand how important God was but I know that he existed nonetheless. I knew of His love but I never really searched for it. Time past like it always does…throughout the years, I experienced emotional turmoil every now and then and I felt like God was really with me but what really was happening was that I was moved by some story or testimony. Don’t get me wrong, if you ever feel moved, it is a sign that something is happening but the thing that I didn’t know was that I couldn’t just wait around and wait for God to do something. I had go search for Him as well. Yes, God’s love is always there but you have to receive it and take it and use it. Later on, I participated in playing in a church service, involving myself in more activities which helped me grow closer to Him but there was still something missing.

Now I am here in Madison, Wisconsin, studying at the university. This is where I really learned of God’s unconditional love. Because I was away from all friends, family and familiar surroundings, I had to learn to depend on God. Originally, I planned to come here and back then, I thought, “Well, if you go far away then you’ll become closer to God…” But that didn’t exactly turn out the way I thought it would. Yes, I did find God but in a different way. I did not find him by going to Him when I had troubles and just prayed for help. The funny thing was that I didn’t really realize that he was with me the whole time until one day my roomate and I were sitting down to talk about how things have been going in our lives since we moved here. And then it hit me, all my worries back in Vancouver before I came here were no longer with me. The amazing thing was that everything turned out not just okay but better than I ever bargained for. You see, I didn’t know my roomate before but she happened to know and go to the same school with a good friend of mine in Hong Kong. Out of the 40,000 people on campus, I ended up sharing apartments with someone from the other side of the world who just happened to know my friend. If that is not God’s plan then I really don’t know what is. I was worried about finding the right roomate but the whole time, there was someone already there prepared for me.

God was living in my life…He helped me go through tough times as well as just times when I needed someone to help me make a decision. Now I know what open doors mean…it’s when you want to make a decision about something and you are stuck…not knowing where to go or what choices to make. This is when you just talk to God and just let Him do the work. It’s really neat the way He arranges certain circumstances to occur in order to show you what doors are being closed and what doors are being opened. What’s left is a path where He wants you to go and I can tell you for a fact that I have never regretted any decision that I have made here…perhaps it may not be what I wanted everytime but there was a purpose for it at the very end. I’m sure that you have all gone through times when you just feel like breaking down and crying…a feeling that you get when things just don’t go the right way. I’ve experienced plenty of those times here…exam stress, doing things the wrong way and somehow people around you are either mad at you or you feel like your relationship with them have drifted apart. Well, I’ve tried many things to make myself happier and one thing that has always worked is writing my troubles down…as a prayer to God. It’s just like a journal except you are talking to a someone who is listening to you the whole time. These are the times I treasured…times when I just laughed at myself for the stupid things I’ve done…times when I cried because it was hurting inside…or even times when I couldn’t feel anything at all. While writing down my thoughts, I would always feel peace. This is a feeling that I can barely describe because it’s just too perfect…just a peace inside you that helps you get back up on your feet and that helps you keep on living your life in a more positive way.

Well…that’s just a tiny story of my life experience with God. I just want to say one more thing. I’m just an ordinary girl…I make mistakes…big ones in fact! I sleep in and miss classes ^_~ I have friends and family problems. But there is one thing that has kept me living with much more positivity than ever…you can probably all guess what it is by now…yes, it’s the unconditional love of God. There is also one verse that I remember everytime I don’t feel like I have control of my life…”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) And I truly believe that I am able to go through each day because God is with me every minute of the day. He doesn’t take a break or asks us to wait for Him…He nevers leaves us…and He has never left me. I don’t expect all of you who are reading this now to believe because I was never a perfect believer. It took me a long time to realize things and I’m definitely still learning everyday about God’s word. But if anything that you’ve read in here applied to you or have moved you, I challenge you to take up the Bible and just read…perhaps even just pray to God or talk to someone about how you are feeling now. It only takes a little step to reach Him…for God is always there for us…with open arms.

Tags: Esther, experiences, Gen X, Gen Y, GenXperiences, Tam, testimony