Louisa Lee

Struggling. With rationalizing the reality of God-especially the doctrine of Christ and needing to give Him Lordship in order to gain acceptance into His eternal kingdom. Is that too rigid of a formula? Too textbook-like? Too hard to comprehend? Too uncool? Yes it is and Jesus even covered this one…

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”

In North American society, where free-thinking, universal acceptance and relativism dominate, I find myself persecuted by my own rigid thoughts. But are they rigid? Or is it the Holy Spirit battling in me to remind me of the life I’ve committed to Christ Jesus?

“Before the world began, you were on His mind and every tear you cried was precious in His eyes.”

Darlene sings.

I cry and finally recognize again my mustard seed of a faith-small, strong and deep. I believe in Jesus because He saved my life. Literally. I was a depressing little one back in Grade 7/8 and wound up needing to perfect myself into anorexia nervosa at age 13. Thirty pounds gained in three months of hospitalization released me back into the world. Still bound up in the securities of self and perfection and yet lacking the needed security of being socially accepted (the high-school prerequisite of belonging), I realized I was yearning for something more.

I always held on to the concept of God. Even through the bad times. He was God of the universe that I learned quite a bit about in Catholic elementary school. I suppose He knew I needed to take these baby steps of learning about Him and the Bible before allowing me to know Him personally.

Summer of Grade 10-Youth Camp ‘94 at Evangelical Chinese Bible Church was my summer. I was surrounded by love and acceptance of a big Christian family. Friends like Cheryl, Felicia and Victor helped me get to the point of serious desire of opening my heart to Jesus.

Jesus-the Son of God, my Saviour, was punished to the point of cross-hanging for my sins and for the sins of the world. Then He rose to Heaven. He guided my life to the point of near-death so that I could figure out the preciousness of life.

And then He gave me the gift of faith.

And then a precious relationship with Him.

And peace for eternity.

I know God is sovereign and absolute! all the rationalization in my head can’t deny that, but a little faith in my heart and He fills me with incomprehensible joy! =) =)

Tags: experiences, Gen X, Gen Y, GenXperiences, Lee, Louisa, testimony