Mandy Wong

I would say that I had a Christian advantage from the start..or very near to the start. At the time of my birth many of my extended family members were already Christians and indeed were already members of Pacific Grace MB church. My mother soon gave her life to the Lord and I followed suit at age 6. I remember it was my Uncle Owen who led me to Christ and we prayed by my bedside in my grandma’s house.

After that I lived a pretty average life, I attended an average school and excelled in the usual subjects. I attended North Pacific Grace and as the years progressed and the church began to grow my mother, brother and I made Burnaby PG our home church. By this time I was getting to those troublesome years known as the teens. Though I had confessed my faith in Christ as a young child I had not lived like a Christian and I don’t believe that I loved the Lord. At this point I should say that my family is an “astronaut’s family” since that is a term translated from Cantonese. I should probably explain. My father though not separated from my mother has lived apart from us since the day we left for Canada. Like many families who immigrate from Hong Kong, my brother and I only had my mom as a parent while my father continued to work and live in the country where I was born.

Being a private and reserved person I never let my anguish over this perceived abandonment show, not to my mother not to anyone, not even myself. Of course denial doesn’t change truth. I began to act out my inner bitterness in self-destructive patterns. I hid it well and no one knew anything was wrong. I hated being alive and after awhile this hatred began to show in outward signs, my marks fell drastically, my relationship with my mother deteriorated and eventually even those I had looked to for spiritual help turned away from me. Within a span of two years I attempted to take my life twice. These events proved to be a wake-up call for my mom. On a rainy night after driving me to a friends house during one of my “rough times” she committed my life to the Lord. She no longer knew what more she could do for me, and I know now how painful it must have been for her to watch her eldest child systematically destroy herself. My mother knew that the only thing she could do was nothing and that trusting in Him was her only recourse.

Shortly after this, God opened the door for our family to start attending South Vancouver Pacific Grace Church. My mother leapt at the opportunity but I hated it. Everyone here was just too happy and energetic and in my eyes they were all Jesus freaks. Little did I know that only a few short years afterwards I would consider these very same people among my dearest friends. If I had to pin point a moment of enlightenment. I would have to say it came at the Basic Life conference of 98. My mother had signed me up for this 5 day conference because she had heard that it was great for resolving conflicts both internal and inter-relational. This was during the summer and the last thing I wanted to do was go to a conference on “churchy stuff”. I threw a fit and I was mad at my mother for days but eventually I calmed down and on the first night, I went quietly if not happily to ECBC. Turns out God would use this conference to change my life and to start a path of healing for me that continues to this day.

The theme of the evening was bitterness. I realized during the evening that all my troubles and pains stemmed from the fact that I hated what my father had done, that I looked on his abandonment as a personal failure. The bitterness and grief from never having forgiven him caused a chain-reaction of negativity in my life. The Lord touched my heart greatly and as the congregation began to pray in unison for forgiveness both for ourselves and for those who have transgressed against us I felt a huge weight lifted of my shoulders and this shadow of self-destruction that had followed me for so long began to fade. For the first time I truly understood God’s grace and love. That those aren’t just catch phrases but powerful aspects of redemption. God sent His Son to die for my sins, He forgave me of my transgress when I confessed my sins to Him. He holds no grudge against me because He loves me. What’s more He loves my father and He wills me to love him as well. I look on this moment as the day I truly understood what God’s love and salvation of grace means. Though I may have asked Him into my life as a child. I gave Him my life that day.

The story from this point on is not happy ever after I still struggle but my testimony is a never-ending story filled with moments of divine grace and beauty. Each day I am challenged to continue to grow and mature spiritually. To seek after His will and His heart. I am not perfect and at times I do much to displease Him I’m sure, but no longer will I look at this world with defeat and no longer will I feel I do not belong in this world. My life is His and He is all I need and nothing else really matters … “For the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want, He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake…surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” ( Psalm 23 1-3;6)

Tags: experiences, Gen X, Gen Y, GenXperiences, Mandy, testimony, Wong